Something that triggered memories...

Monday, September 24, 2007

[laronde.september.23.2oo7]

[How.was.Laronde.]
Well, with everyone being there, I guess I could say it was awesum. Well... It was fun in general, but Ryuta got sick and people where laughing at him... I felt so bad for the guy (>.<') And to top that off I got real depressed towards the last 2 hours. But we took lots of [picks] and it was still a fun day.

I understood practicly e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. the Jap guys where saying, and speeking a bit too, wich is amazing. But why the sadness I wondered...

[going.back.home]
After the trip, when the metro finally got wherever we were supposed to get off, I was supposed to go home with lizza and call my dad to pick me up, wich I really didn't want to do cause I didn't want to ask 3 times in 1 week to stay at her house.
I ended up in Nico's car with Jo, then his mom invited me for super before his dad could drive me home.

[Nick's.House]
Gee, I was quite shy, in the home of the guy that had occupied my thoughts for 1 year... accompanied by a real cute exchange student from Japan >_<' But it was very pleasent at the smae time looolll I had super with very little apetite, but his dad shure was glad I liked his shrimps ^^' His mom talks alot and very quicly so I couldn't pick up much of her Japanese. Nick's room is a museum !

[disaster.strikes]
Jo was browsing Nico's CD collecion.
I was on the bed enjoying the music and drinking water. Nick was on his CP. I felt confortable yet shy to be in a room with 2 guys. Then, nico told me that lizza wanted to talk to me on msn & that it didn't look too good. She was so mad at me. She though I did on per pas to plan to get stuck at her house to sleep over. She thinks I'm abusing her hospitality. She didn't believe me. She wrote these 'hahaha' s and said she's gona make me feel bad. It had allready worked more than enough. I was allready trying not to cry in front of Jo & Nicolas. I felt horrible.

[disaster.strikes.part.2]
Then things sort of shifted... and not for the best.
Nico comes and asks if I'm okay. He could see right threw me. I was stressing alot and he read that I was embarassed of talking to her in the room with the guys, he said not to be. He told me I was in his house, and that even if I auften feel bad about having many problems, that it was okai to talk about it with him. He sat me don and made me explane. He gave me a mini massage, told me to relax, put my favorite music(Dbsk) on, and asked permission to read our conversation. The sadness started to shift. I wanted to die. Like it wasn't enough that my favorite of friends who allways trusted me turned against me and will probably never trust me again, but here I was, in the room of nico that I had forgoten about for 4 months, only to find out I was still in love with him. I felt terrible. And he tried to un-stress me, I was holding back the tears real hard. But he didn't know that such a terrible thing switched back on in me. I wanted to go home. As much as I didn't want to leave nico's side I wanted to run to the bathroom or go home and stay away from him. But I didn't say a word and kept it in. This sort of thing can never be revealed, he was just starting to believe I just wanted to be friends. When I got back I went to my room. The tears were streaming down my face. My friend hated me and I found out I still loved nico. I was fucking lost.

It's 4:56 AM, I hardly slept at all. I'll go take my shower now. I don't know if I can wait for my appointment with Jean-Philipe at the end of the day. And the worst part is I feel like I need nico. This can't be happening.

1:12 AM